CCBHBR I

Seven Broken Hearts (30%)

I have words for you, Becky. I didn’t like this book, which had some stupidly big shoes to fill after they were handed down by Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda. She didn’t quite fit in them, obviously, so she made up for it by dropping subtle hints about the books being related. Except these subtle hints were about as subtle as Zendaya and Zac Efron being the faces of a movie they weren’t even the main focus of. That’s the only reason why I picked up the book, if we’re being honest, which is pretty sad as an independent work of literature. Molly’s cousin is Abby from Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda, and that didn’t quite latch on in my brain until the those five letters appeared. Yes, Simon was name dropped. Not once, but more than enough times. Way more than enough times. I didn’t need to be constantly reminded who your older brother is. You should be able to live up to your own standards, not your brother’s. That wasn’t the only point of dissatisfaction. The characters, even the non-teenage characters, sounded fake. Yes, they aren’t real people but it should feel like Molly is some kid at your high school or your neighbor. The writing and especially the dialogue tried too hard to sound like “an average teenager.” No seventeen year old would say “hell yes” or that something is “unfair” instead of “stupid.” It felt like I was reading a narrative told by a teenager who was puppeteered by a thirty-something year old who has never heard teens speak. She was trying too hard to sound “hashtag relatable” instead of making real characters that you could sympathize with and not cringe at. I found myself laughing while Molly or Cassie were crying or mad at each other, not only because I’m an actual sadist, but also because I couldn’t understand why they felt that way. I didn’t find any emotion they had “hashtag relatable.” There were some good things about this book, though. The scenarios dealing with love were… eerily well written. I believed all those feelings the adolescent girls and guys were experienced, and I wondered whether or not she was noting down events that were unfolding in my own life… spooky and good. I wished that she would have put the big reveal of this books significance in the Simon-verse at the very end of the book, and subtly hint at the relevance. I’m not sure if people who love Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda would like this, so I’d recommend this book to a twelve year old, but there are some low key high key cringy sex scene. Therefore, if you think it’s okay to expose a child to that, you do you.